Facebook Jail Chronicles

EPISODE 3 (10/18/17 to 11/1/17)

Day 1: The Leap!: Determining that Facebook, for decades, has jailed people against their will Dr. Bam Seckett conjectured that one could time travel within his own lifetime and so in order to save them he stepped in to the quantum social media accelerator and vanished.

He awoke to find himself in the past facing mirror screen images that were not his own and driven by an unknown force to change facebooks history for the better. His only guide on this journey is Sal, an observer, who only Bam can see.

Bam finds himself leaping from Facebook user to facebook user striving to help them stay out of Facebook Jail in the first place and hoping each time that his next leap will be the leap to his own social media account HOME…

Day 2, The Habitual Offender: The bus bounced wildly as it rode down the old road and slid to a stop into the rainy compound. The guard ordered us off the bus and we started walking across the muddy yard. I looked around and the others looked uncertain and we all tread carefully though the soaked dirt into the a large metal door. The door that makes all facebook jail sentence officially official, and it slammed pretty hard behind us.

Apparently, they only send people to this stone palace who are habitual offenders who are the hardcore repeat facebook criminals. It’s too bad they never tell anybody what they did wrong before they send you down the river. I didn’t get no judge, no trial, no jury and I couldn’t even defend myself. IF only there was someone who could defend those who could not defend themselves against the tyrant mark zuckerburg who think its ok to ‘jail’ people for no apparent reason. IF only there was someone to defend the millions of innocent users from the fascistic tyranny of facebook community standards enforcement Mainframe!

Day 3, The Capt’n: “Well, what did they bring us today?” he asked the guard as he took the file folder and looked up at me. “Maliciously & sarcastically telling Facebook users how to kill a liberal through tweeting” “That’s me capt’n. I figured we could do with a few less liberals in the world, Capt’n” I replied.

“Hmmm. We ain’t never had one of those before. What did you think that was gonna get you” he inquired. “I guess you could say I figured that since I lived in America I had the right of free speech capt.n” I replied. He looked at the guard and he quickly gave me a thump in my gut with his rifle butt.

“It says here you done really good in society. Good jobs, good pay, and the like, but that you left it all for no reason.” He questioned further. “I guess all I was doing was passing the time on my facebook page, Capt’n”

“Well you got yourself some time now another thirteen days of hard time, but heck that ain’t much cause we got people here doing 20 spots. We got all kinds and you gonna fit in real good” I smirked visibly while he continued. “Of course, in cast you get rabbit in your blood you get a set of leg chains to slow you down a little bit.”

“For your own good you’ll learn NOT to violate the facebook community standards. It’s all up to you. I can be a good guy or I can be one mean sob. ITS ALL UP TO YOU!” As the guards led me away all I could think was that the Capt’n doesn’t know what he’s in for!

TBC......

Facebook Jail Chronicles, EPISODE 2 (9/30/17 to 10/14/17)

Day 1: The apprehension: It had to be snitch for it to go down like it did. There I am minding my own business calling cnn a crack smoking tramp network and some faceless fb cop drops the hammer telling me I heading down the river. He didn't say why or even gimme my phone call. My rehabilitation ain't going so well cause its only been 8 days since I got out. I hope I don’t get institutionalized like ol Brooksy!

Day: 1.5 The Conviction: never saw a lawyer or heard a judges gavel just got a trip to the big house. I thought we lived in America where you could defend yourself or at least be told what you did wrong before being tried and convicted of some unknown crime. Now thanks to the fb community standards enforcement team all I got was a new engraved neck chain!

Day 2: The Hi-max Klink: Don't know what happened but is seemed like instantly I found myself in this little square room with nothing a bed, and some necessities. On the wall above the bed were large painted letters that read "WE ARE WATCHING YOU!" and below that was etched 'Red was here!' This can't be good!

Day 2.5 Lights out: Still trying to figure out how the circumstances that led me here. I had hoped that I could sleep and dream of better things at lights out, but five minutes after the lights went out my cell was filled with a loud screeching. After a while I finally understand it: You will not violate our community standards again! Using facebook is NOT a right, but a privilege that we can REMOVE from you at any time for any reason, with NO explanation. We were never here & this never happened! What was I saying again?

Day 3: The Mess Hall: You couldn't see the other end there was so many people. I wonder if they've been told why they've been sent here, or are they all in the dark like me? They all seemed to be normal folk, then I looked up above our heads and there was a flashing red sign that read 'This table has had they're share button has been disabled!’ That’s weird, I thought, they are shaming us about our “violation” which violates their own community standards! What a bunch of two-faced turncoats!

Day 4: The Shakedown: It was the middle of the day when I heard the footsteps outside my cell. The door slid open and a couple fb community standards enforcement officers swept in. They looked shorter in person and began to rifle through my posts, photos, videos, and unfinished notes. I told them this must be some sort of mistake, but they all looked at me blankly and handed me a slip of paper that read “We'll review recent activity from your account against our Community Standards” and “you can post again in 10 days…” I wonder if I can appeal this injustice?

Day 5: The Ol Timer: Today, I passed by the open cell of some ol timer. He motioned for me to come in “I heard you want’n to appeal your sentence.” When I sat down he continued, “I can see in your eyes you’re feeling a bit like Alice tumbling down the rabbit hole!” I replied, “Well, I DON’T know why I am here!” “You are here because you violated community standards! However, it’s what you don’t know and its driving you mad, yes?” The man glanced around as if looking for eavesdroppers. “Unfortunately, no one can be told the truth, because if they did know the Truth then ALL social media would be destroyed as we know it!” Not sure what happened after that everything is a blank for the next few hours…

Day 5.5: The Blackout: “People need be to be shown the Truth! There are two pills. If you take the blue bill you wake up in your bed you will believe what you want, but if you take the red pill you will stay in wonderland and you’ll see how deep the facebook rabbit hole goes!” Will I be able to find out why I am being targeted or what community standard I violated or why can’t I get an answer from fb’s community standards enforcement team?” I said grabbing the pill. “Remember. All I am offering is the Truth, nothing more..Follow me.”

Day 6: The infirmary: I don’t remember much about how I got there, but once I was able to focus my eyes there was a rather large happy face emoji painted to the ceiling. It didn’t make me feel better. I began to speak a woman came around the corner and she fiddled with some wire that went from my arm to a machine on the wall. “Don’t be afraid” she said. “You were brought in unconscious, and we’re just checking you out for any uh problems.” Just before I went out again someone else said, “Insert the app now to make sure he’s not secretly violating the community standards.” Suddenly, I sat up in my cot and I rubbed my eyes the bad dreams were already fading into the light. Time for breakfast!

Day 7: The Yard: Today, I was feeling a bit off kilter all day, but it got worse when I made it to the yard. It was like everyone watch watching me. I don’t know what made me so special I just a normal person like everyone else. I noticed the people around the yard seemed to be clustered in groups. Someone nearby and he told me the group names and they were the bully brigade, the nudity nook, the hate speech hangout, graphic content cruisers, spammers anonymous, intellectual property purveyors. I wonder if facebook told them what community standard they violated or am I the only one who doesn’t know? Surely someone knows, right? You would think Americans we could at least face our accusers and have our chance to fight for our right to be FREE from arbitrary censorship!!

Day 8: The Fresh Fish: I seem to have lost perspective on time because each day tends to be like the one before, but today was different. A new batch of inmates arrived before lunch and a few of them sat at my table. This one guy kept taking about how upset he was about the facebook community standards enforcement team and how he wanted to get “even” because they refused to tell him why they blocked him. His story began to make my blood boil because facebook also refused to tell me why I’m in jail here, too. This could get interesting!

Day 9: The Escape: His name was Leo, and he swore to me that he knew a way to escape. I was getting pretty restless being cooped up in my cell for so long and not even knowing why I am here so I threw in with him. The next thing I knew we were in the wet wall of the north wall heading down. We stopped when heard a guard on the other side. He was tapping the wall. The dust in the crawl space became too much for me, though, and I sneezed. The guard started to fire and Leo yelled at me ‘Save yourself’ and he pushed me down to safety while he crashed through the way landing on top of the guard. I remember hitting the ground with a thud and then darkness. That seems to be happening a lot to me lately!

Day 10: The Basement: I was very cold when I awoke. The place was deserted and only dimly lit, but I could see some light in the distance so I started in that direction. I could just make out some print on the wall that said FBCSET. After little further I walked into a large server room and found the light switch. My heart sank when I saw the evidence that would expose facebook for what it really is. I was startled by the loud crow of an alarm so I made a run for it!

Day 11: The Capture: I ran for a few minutes until I burst into what looked like an underground chapel. I caught my breath and for some reason blurted out, “Hey old man you home tonight?” while looking up at the ceiling. “Can ya spare a minute? I think it’s about time we had a little talk….Now I know I violated the community standards so I know I got no call to ask for much but you gotta admit you ain’t dealt me no facebook appeals in a long time. How am I supposed to follow all these rules and regulation knowing what I know now? Well, you made me like I am…I gotta tell you I started off pretty strong and fast this time, but you know it’s all beginning to get to me!”

Just then Leo walked through the door yelling. “Hey, they got us, man. They’re out there and thicker than flies and you don’t have a chance!” He said. “They was aiming to kill for what you done, but I fixed it. They promised if you give up peaceful they won’t punish you!” I looked at him and said. “They even gonna give us our same bunks back?” He smiled wide, “Why not, they’re reasonable men.” I chucked and thought for a moment and he continued. “All you gotta do is give up nice and quiet?” “Like we always do,” I replied. He nodded and continued to smile.

I walked over to the door opened it slightly and yelled out, “What we got here is a failure to communicate..” Just then a shot rang out and everything went dark. Why does that keep happening to me?

Day 12: The Hole: The light burned my eyes as the door opened and a man stood in the doorway. “Look, we are just gonna have to put this situation behind us move on.” he said. “I’m done, no more lies. You need to get someone else to keep your secrets!” I replied. He looked incredulous. “You will comply,” he walked closer “or you will do hardest time there is. I will pull you out of that one bunk Hilton and cast you down with the spammers. We’ll have us a little really fake news bbq in the yard, and they ‘ll see the flames for miles. You understand me or am I being obtuse? I could only sit there as he told the guard to “give him more time to let him think it over!”

Day 13: The Man-Made Woman: After they let me out of the hole they walked me down a hallway and stood me up in front of a closed door gave me the key and backed away. I put the key in like any another other person and suddenly a bright light surrounded the door and seemed to engulf me. I found myself in a strange room with small tv screens on all the walls, 2 doors, and strange looking woman staring at me.

“Hello,” she said. “Who are you?” I replied. “I am originator, I created Facebook and its Community Standards Enforcement Team and I have been waiting for you. I know you have many questions, but some of my answers you will understand and some you will not!” she said.

“Why am I here?” I asked. “You are here because you violated the community standards. Unfortunately, you exist despite my sincerest efforts to eliminate you from what is otherwise a harmony of social precision”

“Maybe if you let people know what community standard they broke in the FIRST the jail there might be fewer of us!” I responded “While you are a burden assiduously avoided you are not unexpected and thus not beyond a measure of control. Which has led you inevitably here.”

“You haven’t answered my question” I replied quickly. “Your violations and those of others create systemic fluctuations in even the most simplistic timelines and you must not be allowed to continue unabated. However only you can make that decision to stop!”

I looked around pondering this and replied. “The problem is choice!...Do I comply or tell everyone the Truth of what you really are!”

She looked at me angrily. “There are two doors. The door to the right leads to back to your cell and conformity. The door to the left leads you back, but you will face mockery, insult and injury for no one will believe you even if you try and tell them what you have seen here!” She paused for effect. “As you adequately put your problem is choice, but we already know what you are going to do don’t we?”

As I forcefully walked toward a door, she continued, ”Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion simultaneously the source of your greatest strength and greatest weakness!” I looked back as I can to the door and said” If I were you Id hope we don’t meet again” She laughed. “We won’t”

Day 14: The Eternal Battle!: “Why? Why? Why do you do you get up why keep fighting? Do you believe you are fighting for something, for more than your survival?

Can you tell me what it is? Do you even know? Is it justice, freedom or truth perhaps peace? Could it be for unlimited social media Privileges?

Social Media are delusions and vagaries of perception, and temporary constructs of a human intellect trying desperately to justify an existence that is without reality, meaning or purpose! And all of them as artificial as facebook itself. Although only mark zuckerburgs feeble mind could invent something as insipid social media. You must be able to see it. You must know it by now!

You can’t win! It’s pointless to keep fighting. Why? Why do you persist? --------------- Because I choose to and if I still have a choice I will never bow down to the insanity of the community standards enforcement team!

You can try to silence me or to “jail” me but eventually I and others like me will prevail because our cause it rooted in TRUTH not the emotional fragility and stupidity of others.

You say the community standards are there to “protect” us from others, yet who will protect us from YO U!

You are naught but a thought terrorist organization that figuratively beheads those who think differently, and for that you one day you shall reap what you sow!

You alienate millions of just to kowtow to others in the name of political correctness and social justice which does nothing but further divide our nation.

You censor truth while you allow and foment lies and for that reason alone if you were human you should be sent to the gallows!

You are a black plague upon the world, where millions infect themselves with your madness only to realize upon their death that you killed them.

Epilogue: The Unvarnished Truth!: The whole point of having laws in the real world or community standard on Facebook is to establish socially acceptable patterns of behavior. When a person in the real world violates the law they are usually arrested, charged, and then convicted by a court of law. These convicts know and understand what they did wrong and thus are one step closer to being rehabilitated. Not so with Facebook's community standards. They are vague & subjective and thus subject to extreme interpretation depending on who you are. In additional, there is no way that facebook can police upwards of 2 billion users 24/7. That's why they don't even try, because they use a nifty electronic device called a computer to monitor users.

The problem with using a computer to monitor users is that it can't distinguish between legitimate actions and one those that might be a violation of community standards resulting in legitimate user getting blocked. Like red light cameras you can't defend your actions to an electronic device that doesn't understand human behavior. A computer can also be programmed to accept or reject certain words and topics and therefore is a perfect tool for facebook to censor the posts mark zuckerburg and the liberal left disagree with. Stories of actual censorship show that this is the case and it's accomplished with computers not humans.

Facbooks greatest fallacy is that it claims via its community standard that it just wants everyone to get along and it wants to protect it users from violators, but then fails to tell people what they did wrong when they block them from using the site. Would a parent punish a child without explaining their error? One doesn’t get convicted of a crime without being told of the charge, do they? No, so how does arbitrarily blocking innocent users foster good will. It doesn't because a computer doesn't care about goodwill.

Facebook's must use AI and computers to monitor its billions of users I don't fault them for that. However, for them to claim that it cares about its users self-image, feelings, or experience is a total joke. Facebook only cares about ad dollars and pushing their liberal agenda while at the same time censoring conservative views. The biggest thing to take from this unfortunately is to remember that we don't own our facebook page or twitter account or snapchat profile. They are ALL owned by their respective companies, not by us, and like it or not we must follow their arbitrary & asinine rules if we want to us their sites.

P.S. It doesn’t mean I must be happy about it though!

(copyright John Jones, except excerpts that I satirically rewrote to make even better than the original!) Facebook Jail Chronicles, EPISODE 1 (9/18/17 to 9/25/17) On September 18 I got a 7 day ban from posting or joining fb groups. So I decided to keep a brief journal of my thoughts during this dark time in my life. Now that I am out of Jail my Journal is now YOUR Journal. Please tell me what you think! You’re not gonna believe it!!!-JMJ

Day 1 FB Jail: Not able to post to groups not sure why! Still no response from FB as to why I was blocked from sharing or posting to groups. I have tried to appeal, but I was told by others who have served time that the appeal is just for show and no one EVER gets a response, and I don’t doubt that! Please Share this post to everyone you can so I can tell FB to take their 7 day block and stick it!!

Day 2 FB Jail: Still waiting for FB to tell me why I got blocked from posting. If Monika Bickert, Head of Global Product Policy or Justin Osofsky, Vice President of Global Operations read this please contact me right away regarding your lame community standards and grossly incompetent process for blocking people cause it sucks big time!!! Share this post to everyone you can so I can tell FB where to put their 7 day block!!

Day 3 FB Jail: Since I can’t post to any groups I’ve been looking for ways to uphold my version of FB “community standards.” How to keep people unsafe, discouraging respectful behavior, keeping my personal information unsecured, not protecting intellectual property! Since fb won’t tell people which rules I break I’m just gonna BREAK ALL THE RULES!! How do ya like that community standards enforcement team?

Day 4 FB Jail: Almost giving up on whether fb will message me back to tell me which part of their precious little community standards I actually “violated.” I’ve spoken to numerous people and they all agree that only a moron would punish someone without FIRST telling them why their being punished. That being the case fb’s enforcement of said community standards is nothing but a sham, farce, bogus, phony, hoax, charade, deception, mockery, ruse, trick, and a con and the world has been their mark from the very beginning!

Day 4.5 FB Jail: I have resigned myself to never finding out exactly which community standard I broke to cause fb to block me from posting in my groups. My frustration level I am sure is nothing to those patriots who get totally banned for 7 to 30 days of course for reasons unknown. Therefore, I am starting a feature on my page called Facebook Jail Chronicles where I can document just how far the idiocy goes in the fb community standards enforcement team. Private message me your story in one or two paragraphs using the 5 W’s and It’ll be a BLAST!!!

Day 5 FB Jail: I started tying bedsheets together and making a plaster mask using bits of hair to fool the fb jail guard during my escape! Do you think he will notice? Well, if the guards are as smart as the community standards enforcement team I could escape in broad daylight with a guard outside my cell cause the only thing they seem to care about these days is who’s offending islam!!!

Day 6 FB Jail: After an altercation with a cryberry libtard in the yard (see yesterday’s post) I got called into the fb prison wardens office for a good scolding. Here’s what I said before he could speak: “What we've got here ‘fb boss sir’ is... failure to communicate. Some fb community standard enforcement team members you just can't reach cause I tried & tried and tried!!! So you get what we had here last week, which is YOU send’n me to jail and not say’n why... well, if fb wants it that way then fb gonna get it that way!” Needless to say the ’box’ and I made friends for a while! Please Share & like if you can relate!!

Day 7 FB Jail: Presidential Update: I've contacted the White House about my totally unjust sentence and i've been informed that president will intervene with on my behalf. Later I saw this tweet from DJT: If the facebook community standards enforcement team can't even tell John what rules he's violated, they should get those sons a bitches right off the computer and fire them. You're fired! Get em outta there! Disgrace!!

Final Entry: “I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it's the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it in polite facebook society. I hope to see my friends and poke or message them. I hope my profile is a free from the fb community standards enforcement team as it has been in my dreams! I hope!”

As a parting gift I scribbled the following on the walls of my facebook jail cell: Your feeble attempts to manipulate the behavior your users by blocking them without even telling them what so-called standard they’ve broken only shows that you have absolutely NO common sense but that you ALL looka-lika -fool!!

P.S. Just as I was starting to share this post I got blocked for two hours from posting. I had five facebook groups open and looking at them. I didn't even get one share out! What a joke facebook is!

(copyright John Jones, except excerpts that I satirically rewrote to make even better than the original!)